that thing that burns a hole in my heart.

( i understand I've been on hiatus for while...but I'm back for a few days. I just wanted to share with you some of my thoughts that's been rambling around my mind since the last time i blogged. I posted this on facebook, and i decided to bring it on here to share with yall. )

there's a certain thing that i look for.

warm.

tender.

loving.

something that kept me happy for oh so long and i never once shared a sad face.

although there's a B I G difference in WANTING and NEEDING, i still WANT && NEED that feeling back.

i need that thing called Love.

you know the four letter word that bring 2 other four letter words with it? like...

pain?

hurt?

and some other homeboys like...

misery?

regret?

sorrow?

i want the love that brings

happy!

excitement!

laughter! THE WORKS!

i guess no one will ever see me happy like that again. 

but its ok. 

I'm going to continue to gain that love for myself back. before i let anyone destroy what I'm trying to rebuild <3

(and im not just writing this. this is exactly how i feel 4real.)

sigh...

Most of yall probably don't know that I am in a long distance relationship with my first love.

when i say first love, I actually mean FIRST LOVE.

We've been dating for a year and 2 months but we've known each other for a long time. Before I came to Cookman, alot of people, including my mom, was asking me what were we going to do? Stay together? Break up? WHAT?!?!?

Well, I decided to stay with him. I've been through alot with him and giving all that up would've just been a waste of my year and 2 months. 

( us as friends )

Right now, we are in an open relationship and so far its going well. These boys down here aint worth breaking up a happy home. But everyday I think about him. I REALLY MISS HIM! lol and I won't be able to feel his touch or kiss his soft lips until November. And I know I came down here for an education, but I'm starting off OUR life together. So I guess I'll suck it up, and wait to see him. I hope the wait is worth it.

1 year. finally.

our year in review.

before we started dating. ( as friends )

                        

the end ♥

our walk in my neighborhood. (easter sunday)

while we were walkin we saw a dead bird. ^^^ but i wasn't that close to it, i zoomed in =D

just us chillin'

these are just some recent pics of together...the most recent pics in the front.

60 things a girl/woman wants but doesn't ask for...

i found this very interesting...

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her 1 of your sweatshirts
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her everywhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING

11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?

16. Always hug her and say hi whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she's beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car (if any)- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she's your everything - ONLY if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE IT AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US

26. DON'T lie to her
27. DON'T cheat on her!
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants

29. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.
30. Be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BECAUSE, IT'S IMPORTANT

31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.
32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the CHEEK: (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.
35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her.

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT


36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so you can cuddle.
39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.
40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED

41. Call or text her EVERY night to wish her SWEET DREAMS
42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for LONG walks at night.
44. ALWAYS remind her how much you love her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.
46. Rub her back--feels good
47. Give her your coat if she's cold--thats always cute
48. Write letters on her back with your finger--feels good ;D
49. Let her sit on your lap
50. DON'T poke her hard...but if you want to mess around just do it lightly.
51. HOLD her HAND in PUBLIC.
52. Even if she looks BAD one day tell her she's BEAUTIFUL
53. Keep conversations flowing...talk about anything usually they just go along with it.
54. If their hair is in their face move it out of her face and then kiss her passionatley and gently.
55. Surprisingly sneek up on her and hug her from behind--loves it.
56. Kiss her in the rain.
57. Pick her up like in The Notebook and kiss her.
58. Slow dance with no music
59. Don't ignore her or be nerveous around her--everything is going to be okay.

60. Love her, kiss her, hold her, and you'll be good to go. ;D

smh! & ♥

Soo...today i found out that my graduating class's middle school spanish teacher was a child molester.....
thank god he was never my teacher!
IN OTHER NEWS!

My boobie ( my boyfriend, i like to call him that lol ) bought me a huge teddy bear for Valentine's Day and 3 bars of my favorite candy! Hershey's Cookie's and Cream!!!

i ate the candy lol

oh!
and i need some new songs for my playlist! if you guys have any ideas please let me know!

and there is a give-away on Sylvia's blog! check it out you might win!

happy =)

happy valentine's day!